Homesick.

As I sit on the bed, watching the last few episodes of Inuyasha, I think of home. I remember my puppy and my family. I miss them very much.


Like most teenagers, I've never been able to hold a proper conversation with my parents without ending up fighting. I envy my friends who are on good terms with their family, or at least one parent. I'm a very blessed girl, to have parents like mine, who give me everything I want. I don't get why there isn't this bond there. Especially with my father. My thoughts are plenty. Have I single-handedly ruined my relationship with my parents? Why is it I do not see eye to eye with them? Why do I always feel so guilty? I'll never know. But I won't give up, I fear losing them.

The rest of the world out there are so focused on materialistic goods and themselves, they lose themselves halfway through. I am no different. I live wanting to be accepted by my friends, wanting to be special and beautiful, in every sense of the word. But I now realize that when you see beyond all that, it's what's inside you that really matters. Look deeper within yourself, beyond your flesh and bones, past your heart and into your very soul. You'll see that the things that can truely make you complete, are not many. Things that once lost, can no longer be regained, those are things that will excite your life. Such as your family, friendships, relationships, life and yourself. It's been said one time too many that, "Monetary wealth will not follow you after death". True that. I, however want to be rich when I die. I want to leave wealthy with love. Knowing that during my lifetime, I had two selfless, god-fearing parents who brought me up as best they could. I know not of their pains raising me, but as far as my knowledge of it goes, it wasn't easy. I had a happy childhood. I had a father who protected me. A mother who spoiled me silly. A brother who showed me the true meaning of friendship. I am too lucky.

I haven't been the best daughter, sister, master and friend. All that will change, this is an awakening. Life is too short.


P.s,
No, I haven't watched 2012 yet but, I for one know, the world is truly coming to an end. It says so in the bible. And if I may be so lucky to witness it and be part of God's plan, I would really have lived.


Till I get all emotional again, bye!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Dedication.

This is what the room looks like, from the balcony.
Makes quite a pretty picture, yes?


Jeanna and Chris came over for mahjong on Sat night.











Sunshine boys.


In case anyone forgot my face..
HAHAHAHA okay lah, I'm just being vain.



I feel misunderstood, very misunderstood. If only you people would just stop giving me such a hard time.


One more photo, scare you!!
I think I look scary here. Bahaha!
Woooooo..


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5 Miles to Nirvana.

I've been sick like a donkey!!
But today, i'm feeling alot better!!!! Heading home tmrw maybe? Hate my throat though. Still hurts whenever I cough. :( Owwwwww.

I miss Mikko so much.

On another note,
Look at him smile!!!! Like a happy kid making sure he looks good for his first kindergarten solo photo!!! How cute!!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

S for Su Ann, Sam, Sunshine, Shoot.

Just got back from Gimmelove Shop2 Dunlop! The new shop is gorgeous. Looking very much like a studio. Had a Street Fighter 4 Tournament. Blog bout that soon.

One of my hamsters ran away, Papa hamster. Came back to find his roof on the floor and him missing. Wonder how he did it. I miss him already. He was the fattest one, the only male one and the greediest one. Come back papa hamster!


So I've got a little of my voice back. It's hoarse and I sound very crispy. Hahaha!! Tsk tsk.


I can't wait to go home.
Been so ill, I feel weak all over.


I wish you didn't tell me anything that night, I don't dare look you in the eye since. I don't even dare looking at you. My childhood was good enough, the rest of my life would've been okay, why did you have to tell me? To add more drama into my already Oscar winning life? Thanks, but no thank you!!! I don't know why you would even think that!!!! You scare me.


Today's been another good day though.. I'm grateful for today's happenings, for they make me realize the goodness I have in my life.


With love,
Confused pixie not done with puberty.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

This is not funny.

My tummy hurts now, why do bad things hit you all at once. I can't stop coughing, but when I cough my stomach hurts more. I feel a sharp pain on my womb. My head is spinning, I can't breathe cause my nose is blocked. Anyone wants to swap bodies? :(


I should've stayed home..
Or at least, shouldn't have drank!
Stupid stubborn thing, you deserve it.
I am grumpy pants.


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Making up.

My back and arms feel sore, I wanna get outta bed. But I'm not allowed to.


My body is confused, I'm burning, coughing like a dying person and my head hurts. What to do, what to do?


Forgiving someone and being grateful are 2 different things. I hate repeating myself. If you did something wrong, and decide to do something nice to make up for it, the other party can choose to forgive you, be grateful or both.


I'm very very grateful.
You know I am, I show you and tell you my grattitude. But forgiving? Not just yet. Without a proper apology, nothing you do can gain forgiveness.

Gonna head back to bed, g'night sleepyheads!!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Men From Hell.

Because you're a flirt by nature, because you lie and make me look bad, because I'm so unhappy you don't tell your friends the truth, because you put up a mask when you're with them, I am hurt.

You wanted to go out for a good friend's birthday, I was feeling like sick, but still went along. My throat hurt, but I drank a little with everyone cause I didn't want to ruin any mood. After about 3 or 4 hours, I said I think I had to leave, I felt really sick, I told you to stay. I said I felt faint and need to rest but i insisted you stay. You gave me a face. I stayed drinking with everyone till the night ended.

I woke up this morning with a bad throat, coughed up blood. What do you do? You say it's my fault cause I ate too much chocolates. Funny cause you see, I haven't been eating them at all. Who do you blame now? Not the chocolates, cause they were never in the picture, not yourself, cause YOU are never ever wrong. So blame? Me. Because I didn't just leave when I should have. I was stupid.

Yesterday I was hurt a couple of times, I don't know what kind of act you've been putting up in front of your friends, but know this. You may know a person for your entire life, not knowing who he really is cause we human beings are forever changing. And knowing someone for a long time, is nothing compared to living with the person. He who is a good friend or brother, might not be a good boyfriend or son. And vice versa.


You get my point?
I'm upset at how insensitive he is. The only reason why my friends are nice to you is because they respect and love me. Because they know how to be nice and make you feel good. You? I don't know what to say when I think of the money that was "earned". I was sad and pretty disgusted. They're my friends, you didn't even consult me or tell me and it isn't very nice to "take" money from them like that. You don't think it's important then good for you.


You live your life, I'll live mine.
Stay out of my affairs and friendships, I'm keeping a distance from you.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sitting at winebar now, saw many familiar faces. Some of which, brought back memories I had hoped to forget. I thought it would suck, but it doesn't, makes me smile, knowing I've grown a little.


Life as we know it, is forever changing. I've been through shit, so this time round, before anything, I'll change first.

iPhone is the best. Haha!

Wii is for me!!!!

Some times.. You wake up feeling damn good. Some times, you wake up feeling lousy..

Today I woke up feeling amazing and full of love.


Shit happens all the time, but I think it's important to never let the bad stuff get to you. Life's too damn short to let unhappiness take over. Love people! Love and laughter!


A random photo for a random entry!! Hahahaha!!!



Off to Zouk with Samster later.
Bye!!!!

HELLLOOOO!!!!!

Hi, I've been missing from this page for awhile now.. Haven't I?!

Sam bought me this Shark, pair of red boots, Rochers and Godiva chocolates for our 9th month! The past 9 months have been wild and insane, I'm grateful for everything.

GUESS WHO IS ADDICTED TO MAHJONG!

I want more mahjong khakis. Hahahahahaha seriously.

Bloody clown.. Hahahahha.

Thank you for being such a sweetheart. I love you!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! SCARE YOU!!! BOO BOO BOO!!!!

Colline so cute!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC!!!

Jsezy, Wawong and friends came by Gimmelove for a visit!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHINAMAN!!!!!

Seriously.. Elise makes the best funny faces!!!

Been meeting Trish, my strong little girl.

I hope you know I'm so proud of you and that I'll always love you.

I miss my MONK too!!!!!! =( I want to hug my little lou!

Okay.. I WANT TO GO MAHJONG NOW!!!!!!!!!!

I'll write more later when I'm back, till then... I SHALL GO PONG, KANG, CHI AND HU!!!!!!!!

So guess who's home again?
It's been awhile since I last smelt my pillows!
I love shoving my face into them and breathing really hard.
My pillows always seem to smell so damn good. I wonder why. Beats me.

I'm turning 20 in like less than 8 months.
Oh boy, I don't quite wanna grow up just yet!

I love Twitter, I love my iPhone, I love my family.

So, I haven't written for the longest time, I'm not sure if I can write like I used to.
First off, I had my hair cut yesterday, was in a horrible rush and didn't realise what a mess it was till much later. I told the woman to just make it look thiner, don't change the length, but the first thing she did was to snip the length right off. Never visit the hair salon at Tamp Street 82. Too bad I was in a rush. Daddy asked why I didn't scream at her or do something about it.. You know, I don't know..


Everywhere I go, I get stares.
They didn't use to bother me, but they're starting to get to me.
I don't know why, it's horrible cause I can't help but feel extremely uneasy.
They stare, I stare back and frown, I don't mean to.
I know why they're staring, I don't blame them, but basic courtesy, don't make it too obvious.


I am brimming with so much emotions, like how I feel so bad.
I did something wrong a long time ago and I can't get it out of my mind.
I hate pretending it never happened and feeling like this.
Why did I agree? Why did I say yes and go through with it.
Guilt trips are always the worse. Always.


Trust issues can ruin the best of friendships and relationships.
Paranoia hits and you hold yourself back, you don't say anything.
You fear, you fear love and trust.


Say hello, the emotional wreck is back.
Please all, don't tell me to cheer up, don't mind me!
Don't let me get to you, those who know me would tell you, these feelings don't last too long with me.



I miss Louise, Jeanna, Diana, Trish, Fox and Heidi very very much.
Good night!

I have no right to grumble and complain when I AM THE LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE!!!

I read my previous post and don't remember feeling like that.

BUT I BLAME PMS!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE PERIODS DESTROY A GIRL'S MOOD!!!!!!

But I love them sometimes, don't the rest of you ladies??

We get to flare up and blame pms. Hahahahhahahahaha!!!!!

Okay I'm kidding, you boys know we girls are harmless.....At least I am!!!!

And girls are bitchy by nature anyway, so leave us be!!!!!!!!

Holy macaroni, why let someone else's anger, upset you??????

And I quote Daphne, " Make peace! Peace is cheap."

HAHAHHAHAHAHA PEACE ALL PEACEEE!!!!

Thank you Daddy and Mommy, for everything.

I didn't expect anything, but you gave me everything.

I LOVE YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH!!!!!!!

p.s,

lou lou!!!!!!!!!! i miss you!!!!!!!

and RACER CHOR!!!!!!!! WHY DO YOU KEEP IGNORING ME?!?! MY HEART BREAK AH! HAHAHA

Desperate.

I miss my phone. I feel so helpless without it.

All my photos, all my contacts all gone. It's not so much of the phone.

It's what's inside, my contacts and my photos. No, there are no revealing shots.

But photos of my puppy are inside, I'll never see those photos again.

It breaks my heart.

So we called the taxi driver down just now.

Took him 25 minutes and cost me $30 from Woodlands to Niven road.

Shawn helped to search the cab for my phone, while I stood there in hope.

I seriously suspect the cabbie took it, I really don't like him and his face.

He acted shady and had this fucking perverted look plastered all over his ugly face.

I want to be nice, but no.. That look. I know it.

Forget it, that sick bastard couldn't speak a word of english to save his life.

And it's just a phone, we'll live and let live.

Though we try to forgive, we will never really forget.

And trying to forget something, will only remind you more of it.

Yesterday was a horrible day, I wish tomorrow would be better.

Make tomorrow a better day please?

Called M1, asking them to cancel my bloody line, but NO.

This lady, Nadia*, insisted I give her the registered name for my prepaid card first.

Because I've had the card for ages, I gave her my mom's, dad's and my name.

But it wasn't registered under any of our names. I just couldn't remember !!!

I was getting fucking frustrated at this point.

Because, she made me call back again and again and again.

Until, my mom called telling me, it might be under Theodore's name.

So I called M1, spoke to Nadia again, asked her if it was under his name.

BUT SHE FUCKING HELL REFUSED TO TELL ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!

She fucking insisted on Theodore calling her. WHAT THE FUCK ?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!

Please note that from the first minute I started speaking to her, I have made it very clear to her that I was upset and it was of utmost importance to me, and yes.. though Nadia spoke courteously, I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK IF YOU'RE TALKING TO ME NICELY OR NOT..

I JUST WANTED MY FUCKING PHONE LINE CANCELLED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Theodore was nice enough to call that irritating unhelpful worm and has to go to an M1 shop tomorrow to help me cancel it.

ALL BECAUSE NADIA WAS SUCH A FUCKING HELPFUL BLOODY BITCH !!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I'd like to thank Theodore for helping, though he didn't have to. Thank you.

Now I know how fucking selfish people really are.. But I believe in retribution.

I wanna go home, snuggle up with Mikko and sleep till 3 in the afternoon.

I don't wanna do the laundry and then dry them, clean the room and make the bed daily.

I don't wanna feel useless and unimportant anymore.

I am so fucking sick of being cooped up and being understanding.

I feel like I'm losing my mind, seriously.

I wanna be able to eat anything, anytime and go anywhere, anyday.

I wanna be able to go out at night and feel 19 again.

I feel like a bloody middle-aged housewife, but i'm 19.

I had dreams, I can't be bothered now.

I think all you people who didn't think I'd make it, are absolutely right.

I wish you people were true.

I have lost myself, I'm full of rage and bitterness.

This is not what life is about, is it?

You claim you care, you say you do.

But hey,

What do you care?

I feel like a lost little girl.

I need a hug so so badly, but they're either not by my side or too tired for me.

I wish they'd make me feel as important as they say I am.

And not throw the hundreds of excuses at me.

I am no dummy.

G'night.

To whoever who took my phone...

Be a darling, have a heart and......

GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To all my monsters, please send me your contact through msn or facebook!

And in the meantime, please spam my old number with prank calls and messages.

Send a virus to my old number too, if you may!

Crash my old phone, will you please?!?!?!

With love,

Your angry pixie.

p.s,
Happy birthday to my favourite abbess of Shaolin, liu lian, my TRIPPYTAKA MONKIE!!!!!!!!!

May you stay forever beautiful, kind and BALD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're the best friend a girl could have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you very much!!!!!!

p.s, p.s,

UPDATES AT www.mudohori.blogspot.com !!!!!